Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Pilot Talk 2014: Mixology

Every TV season, networks bring out a new crop of shows, in hopes that they'll be the next big hit.  Pilot Talk is devoted to figuring out whether these shows are worth your time based on the first episode.

Wednesdays at 9:30 PM on ABC

Here are 11 quotes from the pilot of Mixology:

1. "Girls in flats never want to have sex.  It's like I always say: the higher the heels, the looser she feels."
2. "You are a Viking.  You rape and you pillage...okay, maybe don't rape."
3. "They smashed it out about 5 times a week."
4. "Why do you think I have so much Kleenex?  I pop off into one every night."
5. A character, speaking about women with big butts: "Black guys were right all along.  We should've listened to them."
6. "Maya learned that acting like a fucking cunt..."  But don't worry, the cursing was completely bleeped out so it's okay!
7. "If I talked like that to Don Draper, he would smack me in the mouth.  THAT is a man."
8. "Every girl wants a nice guy, okay?  But we also need a man who isn't afraid to say, 'I'm not going jean shopping with you, alright?  I'm a man.  Respect my balls, woman!'"
9. "You picked yourself up by the penis and you played like a champion."
10. Two guys are sitting next to each other, and one feels the need to announce to the world: "We're not into that.  No swordfights for us!"  Because sitting next to a dude makes you gay!
11. "Look at that chick over there throwing up.  I'm going to bang her out."

Grade: F

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